My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
