He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
