I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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