I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize