I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
