i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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