Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
