Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
