I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
