I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
