no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
