There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
