Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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