he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
