Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
