You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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