My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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