I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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