When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
