Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
