OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im having a threesome with these popsicles
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
