gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
false alarm. still invincible.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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