so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
