He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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