Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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