Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
