Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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