i think my tv is drunk
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
that is very illegal...i love you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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