my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
