ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
