his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
