the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
