How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
