i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
