she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My penis needs a shock collar
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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