just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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