im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
