just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
