Me too!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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