just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
