too bad you live with your parents still
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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