And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
