I smell stomach acid.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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