He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
