i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dick very happy bro
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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