ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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