Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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