I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
