just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
