This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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