Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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