Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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