I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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