shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize