I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
