If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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