i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize