And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
