It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
