she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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