I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize