I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
