ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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