I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
