Non-Jews are for practice
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
