Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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