I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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