My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
