I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
