You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
