People in love make me want to vomit
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
