I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
