you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
