I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
