Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
