Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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