Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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