There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
