I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize