I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
