Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
