His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
