I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
