i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
